It is occurring to me just how complicated we are as humans. When we are ill, we visit a doctor and we trust them completely, without question, allowing them to have full control over our physical and mental health. If they administer a medication, we take it, if they recommend a therapy we agree – all in faith. So why do we resist so much when it comes to our spiritual health, to our hearts, our identity, our worth, our purpose, our salvation? Why do we wrestle with God, seeking a compromise? We would not do this with a doctor so why is it we do this with our creator?
Is it worth considering that it is like an inter-generational imprint going all the way back to the fall? Have we inherited the feelings of inadequacy, brokenness, inferiority, and desperation? There seems to be this constant war within ourselves, thoughts of what we do and do not deserve based on a false instinct that the world in all its messiness has impressed on us, instead of the redeeming truth of what Jesus did on the cross and through his resurrection.
We say we believe in the death and resurrection of Christ but do we really? Do we really understand that God took on flesh, bone, blood, sweat, tears and came to us through childbirth? That he lived, he breathed, he slept, he learnt, he laughed, he grieved, he loved, he saw?
He saw us through his eyes, each one of us, in our trauma, our ugliness, our self-hatred, self-sabotage and he did not turn away. Instead, he took everything we have done and will ever do, he took the weight of our failures and rejections, and he allowed it to break him! He allowed himself to be torn apart for our sake!
It occurs to me that what Jesus did for you and me on the cross, what he willing suffered, is far more than we could ever do to ourselves! Far more than any self-critical voice, far more than any guilt we wallow in, any self-sabotage, any imposter syndrome, any if, buts or what if.
While we wrestle with God and everything, he has done for us we do an injustice to what Jesus did for us, it is done! He lives! The victory is won! He is not on the cross anymore! He is not in the grave anymore – and neither are we.
If we keep rejecting ourselves and what we are entitled to as a child of God, we are rejecting God! We are made in his image; we are his masterpiece – he chose you!
Now your journey may not look like you thought it would look, or how you wanted it to look but the end will be beautiful. Because after the messiness, the bloodiness, and the destruction of the cross, there came restoration, redemption, life! Jesus fought for you, he wrestled death and overcame the grave.
Realise who you are, how God sees you and what he intended for you! Walk away from anything that opposes his truth! Allow the pain, embrace the adjustment, grieve the loss!
After every fall there is a rise! We can never fall the same way we did again because when he rose and walked out of the grave – he had already paid the price! Rise like Jesus did step out and into life and live it.